Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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