Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
