Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
