READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
