Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize