She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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