Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
