At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you win again, gameday.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
