Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
