You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
