He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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