She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
