That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
