I'm so fucking centered right now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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