he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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