Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
