I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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