Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Found your dick twin last night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
