When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
