Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
