I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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