batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am one with the molecules
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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