Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
