dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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