so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
