You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
