I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
