My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize