Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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