somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
