Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
