also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
