i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
