The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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