6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
