I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
