just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
