What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
