I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
