Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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