I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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