This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize