this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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