my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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