You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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