Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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