Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
