My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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