In the future we'll all be gay
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ttyl tear gas
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
