Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
