i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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