I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
