Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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