Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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