His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
