It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
