Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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