I am in a vortex of obligation.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize