What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
