you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
