Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
