Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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