Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
