actually, I'm a sock model
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
